I’ve never been a fast learner. There are some lessons that I have had to go around the mountain tops many many times before I got the message and learnt the lesson. There are lessons that it has taken me years to learn. Sometimes I learn them and then I slip back into ignorance and forget all about them. Some are ongoing constantly evolving, changing, refining. Some of the lessons have been profound and painful. I seem to pick the nice fun ones up fairly fast as if I am quite the professional with the ease to which I learn. Then there’s the other side, where it is dark and painful and scarey, where I don’t know how to let go, where I am dogged by uncertainty, insecurity, grief, fear. What will I be with out that person, thing, thought, belief, job, situation? I do not learn quickly here. I think I’ve learnt, then I pick it up again, carry it around, wear it around my shoulders again where it fits, where it is comfortable because that is where it has sat for so long. Eventually l learn that it is too heavy, it burns, its negative, I need something new. Then I eventually learn as I stand there with my hands out, empty because I have put it down at last, waiting for my hands to be filled with something new that I might learn that perhaps this new thing would be better, lighter and be right for me.
Life has taught me virtually all I know and goes on teaching me constantly so that I might stand a little taller, feel a little lighter and hopefully gain a little wisdom along the way.
She has been my best teacher.